Revenge on the Mary Sue
by Guujin Gurui
Summary: What happens when Ciel is visited by a Mary Sue? PURE PARODY/HUMOUR. I know there are Mary Sues in here.


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Author's Note

_One thing I hate is Mary Sues, and I've seen an influx in them lately in the Kuroshitsuji fandom (I blame the crappy English dub). So here's some crack for you all while I take a break from painting a haunted bathroom.  
I'm sorry if the Mary Sues in this are like your OCs in any way, shape or form. This is only intended as humour and not meant to offend. Yes, these are INTENTIONAL Mary Sues for humour._

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There was a swift knock on the door to Ciel's study before his ever-so-handsome butler stepped in with afternoon tea.

'My Lord, it appears there's _another_ one,' Sebastian said, a slight tone of annoyance in his otherwise calm voice. His master sighed and nodded, 'yes yes, send her in then.' In stepped what Ciel supposed was yet another "unfortunate" girl who had been separated at birth, followed closely by her half demon, half angel maid, who eyed Sebastian lustfully. The butler simply rolled his eyes and served his master tea.

'I am Lady Ivy Eliza Ruby Rose O'Blood-Phantomhive,' she said in a tone so sweet Ciel thought he may have gotten diabetes.

'Wonderful,' the youth said sarcastically, 'and let me guess… you're older? Or, by some warped time field that was created when you formed your contract, you're both older _and_ younger than me. Oh, and you have cat ears?'

Lady Ivy was shocked; how did Ciel already know? This was supposed to be a surprise!

'Yes,' she said meekly, at a loss for words for the first time in her life.

'Perhaps the butler told you?' asked the demon maid and Sebastian smirked, wanting to laugh and wrinkle his nose in detest at the pair at the same time.

'Of course not. But I've seen so many supposed sisters and their demons this month that I'm getting sick of it,' Ciel said simply, his attention going back to the curious story in the newspaper about corpses coming back to life.

'No!' Lady Ivy cried, her blue eye turning red while her pink contract burned in her right eye with anger, 'I really_ am_ your sister!' She raised a hand to slap Ciel but it was caught easily by Sebastian. Why was he interfering! He was supposed to be shocked that someone would try to hurt his master and enamoured with her because of her strong will!

'If you have no further business with the young master, I will have to escort you both from the grounds,' he said with his trademark smile.

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Well _that_ hadn't gone according to plan! Lady Ivy Eliza Ruby Rose O'Blood-Phantomhive felt utterly depressed that Ciel didn't want her around! Couldn't he tell that she wanted to get with Sebastian? It didn't matter that he was a demon, and therefore lacked any capacity to love; he was supposed to be in love with her!

'Perhaps we shall sneak back in, mistress?' Raven Chandelier Everest suggested. She wanted that little master; who cares if he was only thirteen? He'd grow up quick enough once she was through with him! And why had he not payed her any attention anyway? Ciel was supposed to agree to let Lady Ivy stay so he could get to know Raven; that was the whole point!

'Eh? What are you two doing here?' called a confused voice as Finnian ran over, accompanied by a rather shy-looking Snake who had been getting a tour of the grounds.

'We were trying to see Ciel,' Lady Ivy wined.

'Oh… Well, I don't think the young master wants people like you around… He has a big trip to be going on soon for work!' Finnian said joyfully, 'and if you're out here moping, it means Mister Sebastian has kicked you out. You have to leave now!' he said with a small smile, hoping not to be too rude, but the household had had too many visits from young women like these. Poor Elizabeth had been injured when she had come to visit Ciel like she normally did, and the young master had been very upset.

'You need to go now. Says Oscar,' Snake said a little timidly, 'Bronte and Wordsworth are hungry and have been searching for something to eat. The master doesn't have a problem with them eating either of you. Says Oscar.'

Lady Ivy and her maid Raven both paled but neither moved, thinking Snake was perhaps bluffing until a few more of his beloved serpents slithered close. The two fled from the mansion, deciding never to visit again.

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**P.S.  
**_TA DAA~! Really. I'm sick of Mary Sues. If you want an original character to not be quite so Sue-ish, perhaps try a businessman OR the sister/daughter of a businessman so you can make their meetings business related. Having them flirt, okay, maybe. But if you're in keeping with the cannon, LOOK AT THE CHARACTER'S PERSONALITIES! None of them are likely to actually date/sleep with your character (except maybe Viscount Druitt). Ciel is engaged to Elizabeth and does actually care about her. Sebastian only sleeps with someone to get vital information when there is no other means at that time to get said information when he has been ordered to. GRAH. I know I make the characters OOC occasionally, but at least try to keep them in character…_


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